looking through you

a few months ago i acquired the bad habit of staring at strangers for longer than is socially appropriate. :) hahaha!!! i almost feel that it's a part of swiss culture to pretend you don't see the person sitting right across from you on the train, when really it's all you can do to rip your eyes away from such a prime specimen of intrigue and wonder. and since each person is so fabulously different from the next, the levels of intrigue just never cease to enchant my curiousity and lure me in.

hi, my name's vanessa, I like to sit across from you (much to your annoyed and creeped out dismay) and look into your soul. (wow, all those teenage years of staring at mark rizzie in the hallways have got me talkin like a professional stalker.) but, unlike my high school penchant for drooling awkwardly over boys who thought less of me than their shoelaces, my adult stare-dom is slightly more refined. sophisticated if you will. abounding with thoughtfulness. now i'm staring as a means of connecting with your heart and if i'm lucky, the universal pulse.

i've started to play a game: looking into faces of young and old and imagining them as they were and will be. if i look closely into the face of a kid, for example, i try to picture him as the 30-something that he will one day become and then I take it a step further and imagine his wrinkle-ridden face at 87 years old. alternatively, the reverse is also true; looking into the face of a weathered grandparent i can see her youthful, uncreased face. possibly the day she learned to ride a bike when she was 6 or what her smile looked like when she accepted her first kiss.

the whole process has since become a game that i play on the train or bus to pass the time, but it actually started quite spontaneously one day as i rode the bus on the way to work. i was side-glancing at a lovely old woman who wore the most contented mask of happiness i'd seen in a long time. the beauty of her serenity was what initially pulled me into her, but then just as quickly i saw her face morph into adolescence right before my eyes. (it was literally a sci-fi moment!) i had to do a double-take to make sure i was looking at the same person and that's when i realized that i had somehow glimpsed her as she was when she was young. the flash was gone as quick as it came, but it awakened a fun new interest in my fascination with the human race.

we've all come from a childhood that is (hopefully) heading into a rich and adventure-laden adulthood. we have battle wounds, scars, memories, laugh lines, and forehead creases that tell a much bigger story than a quick glance would imply. but, regardless of what stage of our life we are currently in we're a part of the bigger human story that we all play a role in. we play heros and heroines, bad guys and villains, bad-asses, sluts, innocents, and goof-balls. there's a role for each of us and if we're lucky we'll get to play more then a few of these parts in our lifetime.

 in the meantime i'm gonna keep playing my soul-stalker game to remind me of how valuable the past is in forming what we choose to create in our future. and as always, ode to the present moment.